Within a Wall
by Ephemeral Efflorescence
Summary: Mai could hardly sleep anymore without a nightlight. Cover Image by RaisedonRadio.


Disclaimer: I do not own Ghost Hunt.

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— Within a Wall —

Mai absolutely hated going back home.

There were days when she loathed stepping into her apartment; her apartment that brimmed with emptiness, silence and darkness.

Sometimes she would stand there, before the door after fitting the key in the lock. She would stand there, motionless, with her fingers twisted around the knob.

She would wait there, pushing her feet deeper and deeper into the doormat for what seemed like eternity before she could finally turn the knob and face the surging waves of loneliness.

The moment she entered her home, she would flip all the switches and surround herself in nauseating brightness.

There were lights and lamps everywhere. They were littered across her room, in every dark corner.

She hardly slept anymore without a nightlight.

She would switch on the radio and let it play any random channel. She couldn't bear the idea of listening to her own footsteps. The soft creak of wood with her every step would drive her to an edge; an edge which rarely presented itself to her.

She hated visiting the bathroom in the middle of the night.

She hated glancing at her own dark figure that reflected in the mirror placed on the bathroom wall.

At times, she could see something moving out of the corner of her eye but she never had the courage to turn to look at what might or could have been there.

Mai _knew_ that she was brave. She loved working at SPR. She loved being surrounded by a family, even though it was a makeshift one. She could cast spells and ward off demons. She _needn't_ fear anything.

Yet, this feeling —

_This feeling_.

Being alone was something she dreaded.

The feeling of emptiness; the feeling that came with losing loved ones. It would always remain at the bottom of her heart.

She was certainly brave but she couldn't vouch for her invulnerability.

Mai was never afraid of going around taking temperatures in a haunted mansion all alone because she knew that Lin was watching her. They always set up the cameras before she went on to take temperatures. With his huge array of monitors, nothing could miss his eyes. She knew that they would always be with her and never let her come to harm.

_Never._

She would dutifully switch on the nightlight just before going to sleep and hide herself beneath her soft blanket. She covered herself from head to toe and shut her eyes as tightly as she could, willing sleep to come to her and take her away on a dreamless journey.

She began fearing dreams as well. Nightmares, some would call them but they essentially remained dreams to her.

Dreams that were of utmost significance in solving cases, on some occasions.

She began loathing them when she couldn't get rid of some of the previous dreams that she had experienced during certain cases.

Sometimes she would wake up abruptly. Gasping and covered in sweat, unable to bear the feeling of a blanket clutching at her, but she could never find the courage to throw the blanket away from her.

She couldn't get rid of this irrational fear that burned at the edges of her mind.

The only solace she could find in dreams was when _he_ appeared.

His soothing aura and his kind smile...

Mai hated staying at home. She hated being alone. She hated dreaming.

She hated wrapping herself in a blanket as if it were some invincible armor that protected her from _something_ that she couldn't fathom.

She hated being afraid of the unknown.

She hated being trapped within a wall of loneliness.

The only thing that served as her armor, that maintained her strength, was the single thought that a tomorrow would certainly arrive when she could go back to the office. After all, it had become more of a home to her than her own apartment.

She could stay away for as long as she wanted from the walls that surrounded her in darkness and utter silence.

She could smile there as much as she wanted to.

She could act as brave as she wanted to.

She could ward off any spirit. Ayako had taught her that much. Bou-san had taught her that much. She needn't be afraid of anything out of this world, but loneliness?

If only she could find a spell, a chant — _anything_ for it to go away.

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A/N: Liked it? I've always wanted to know what Mai felt when she was away from SPR. All we know of is her strength and her smiles but what about behind the curtains? What about her irrational fears? Please do let me know what you feel.

Also, I'm endlessly grateful to RaisedonRadio for each and every lovely cover image that she has made for me. A big thank you to everyone who has taken time to read this story!


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